Today was one of those days that I wanted to hear my daddy's voice, I have not been really living the way I should as his daughter. I have been mostly just traveling and not worried about my future until a couple of weeks ago when I came back from a trip early because I had a phone call that was related to job I had interviewed for about a month ago. I came back did what I was suppose to do but really I was going through the motions I know that I cannot live off the land forever.. I am just not that type of girl!
I got to my phone and stared listening to a v/m that my dad had left me when I was living in Ohio for work and as soon as I heard Ne boo!!! I spazzed completely out.. I needed to hear that, what am I talking about I need to hear that everyday. Then he went on to say "This is your daddy" I used to tell him all the time I know who you are when you call daddy, I do have caller ID!! but This time I got really excited to hear that.
I want to go to sleep and wake up and all this be a dream.. I want to make it all go away.. I want to make him come back.. Yes I am being selfish because Today I really need him.. I want to climb in the bed with him and just hug him and tell him all my troubles, heartbreaks and aches.. I am so mad that he is gone.. I am so mad he left me... This world would be a lot easier if he was with me... I seem to think that G-d has this plan for me.. as far as being happy and having a stable future but I must admit I am really reckless with my life right now.. I don't seem to care about what was so important to me once upon a time.
I hate the feelings I get, I hate the mindset I am in, I hate that I am alone. I hate all of this. Fuck the wine today give me some Vodka!!
Daddy, I love you so much, and I miss you even more and I need you right now....
Ne~boo
